Monday, November 26, 2012

Breed not a Savage Dog: Sunday School Scriptures for Pit Bull Enthusiasts

We think of the great spiritual books as being sources of metaphysical advice and comfort, but nearly all of them offer everyday, practical advice.  It is mentioned in the Bible as the first task given by God to Adam: to name and care for the Garden of Eden and the animals (Genesis 2:19-20). Poor Adam had to do this all alone, without the company of Eve.  Animal husbandry, perhaps in the form of sheep herding is really likely the world's oldest profession, not prostitution. The man was lonely, and the sheep were nervous. (Exodus 22:19)

It's odd that the Holy Books use for the dog as a metaphor is nothing positive, especially since Science shows that civilization would likely not have been possible had it not been for the relationship of Mankind and dog.  Canis familiaris was likely the very first domestic animal, and has been our companion for 10,000 years, helping us to hunt, herd, and used as a beast of burden to pull sleds and plows.

In the book of Exodus, there are laws for dangerous Bulls, I'm sure the wisdom could be easily applied to PIT Bulls.  I changed the scripture a little so that pit bull enthusiasts and owners could more easily understand it. I'm not even sure this will do, noting a sweeping lack of reading comprehension abilities in their ilk.   It must have something to do with fragile masculinity issues and some of the other psychological characteristics that many pit bull owners have in common.

“If a (PIT) bull  MAULS /gores a man or woman to death, the  (PIT) bull is to be stoned to death, and its meat must not be eaten. But the owner of the  (PIT) bull will not be held responsible. (This seems like current law, hence, we are outraged.....)
29 If, however, the  (PIT) bull has had the habit of MAULING/goring and the owner has been warned but has not kept it penned up and it kills a man or woman, the  (PIT) bull is to be stoned and its owner also is to be put to death. (YES!  Pit bulls are in the habit of mauling, they were bred to do this!)
30 However, if payment is demanded, the owner may redeem his life by the payment of whatever is demanded.

31 This law also applies if the  (PIT) bull  MAULS/gores a son or daughter.
(Their own sons and daughters as well as anyone elses.)

32 If the  (PIT) bull MAULS/gores a male or female slave, the owner must pay thirty shekels[f] of silver to the master of the slave, and the  (PIT) bull is to be stoned to death. (Not Applicable, but applicable to other property....cats, dogs, livestock, trees, wrought iron gates.......)

33 “If anyone uncovers a pit or digs one and fails to cover it and an ox or a donkey falls into it,

the one who opened the pit must pay the owner for the loss and take the dead animal in exchange.(
The ones who opened the pit are long gone, but their legacy MAULS on....


35 “If anyone’s  (PIT) bull injures someone else’s  (Dog, even if it's another PIT) bull and it dies, the two parties are to sell the live one and divide both the money and the dead animal equally. (Let's have the head served up on a platter, we don't want your ugly pit bull after it has killed our dog. Pay restitutions or go to jail.) 

36 However, if it was known that the  (PIT) bull had the habit of  MAULING/goring, yet the owner did not (SOMEHOW) keep it penned up, the owner must pay, animal for animal, and take the dead animal in exchange. (PIT Bulls can't help that they are in the habit of mauling, it's in their D.N.A..  The dog men did not listen to the wisdom of the Talmud, we must endure the Pandora's box they opened, their curse lives on.)

An article on Cocker Spaniel Rage Syndrome. Pit Bulls were selected for "Rage Syndrome".

Some great documentary films about dog eugenics:

National Geographic: The Science of Dogs

National Geographic: And Man Created Dog part I

National Geographic: And Man Created Dog part II

PBS Nova: Dogs Decoded

BBC: Pedigree Dogs Exposed

Horizon: The Secret Life of Dogs

PBS Nova: Dogs and More Dogs


  1. In the effort to craft memes to combat nutter memes:

    What type of dog need a rap rack and a break stick?

  2. speaking of rape racks and memes, whenever nutters talk about the "other end of the leash" correct them and refer to the "other end of the rape rack". :)

  3. When it comes to pit bull owners, we fear the one who should be in charge of the leash or the lack there of. This is even before we discuss the dog.

  4. created by the devil himself for devil worshipers.